DepressionSelf-pity and the feeling of worthlessness were so ingrained in me. From such an early age that I wonder if I was always depressed. Clinically depressed no, it was not a chemical imbalance. For me it was my surroundings and perception of what was.
Growing up in fear, hatred and not mattering would make anyone depressed.
I faked it so much, pretending life was ok; denial was my only way of coping with the hell my little girl’s eye’s witnessed. For me it was not a lack of energy. Just the opposite, this urge to keep moving, being busy, not stopping until I was so exhausted, that when my head hit the pillow I could have a dreamless sleep.
Always having the darkness being a part of me was my normal. The result of this was my disconnection with the world around me. Having a true relationship of any kind was impossible. This form of depression was a part of me for such a long time. That if I had not reached out and received help. I would have continued to live a life of emptiness, with only myself to blame.
Now that I am aware of how strong this false belief of worthlessness is, I have a choice, to either believe this or to see it for what it is. Just a feeling, it does not belong to me, it is not my true self.
I am not what happened to me.
I am life, deserving of all the joy, love and sweet, sweet peace.
I DO MATTER… I am