Illness

Illness

Most diseases are caused from stress, as the medical community is now acknowledging.

So if as a young child you experienced trauma, any type. Child abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, death of a parent or sibling. If you had no voice, no way of communicating to anyone your extreme emotions, these damaging emotions can stay trapped in your body.

This is what I believe happened to me, not being able to tell anyone about the abuse I witnessed and the sexual abuse that was done to me. For example; watching my mother being savagely beaten and unable to help her was very traumatic. I buried emotions of helplessness, fear, and hopelessness. As a child it is too much to comprehend, the body pushes the feelings deep inside. So not only is the memory pushed down, the emotion also gets trapped in the body.

My mother said as a young child, she was taking me to the hospital as I was having severe stomach pains. I don’t recall ever being in the emergency room as a child. I pushed and shut away all memories, good or bad.

Not able to voice and to feel these emotion’s, turned inward and created my body to turn on itself. Violence, sexual abuse and so much more, brought despair and worthlessness to me as a young child, then as a teenager.

Around the age of 20, I was hospitalized for a week due to extreme stomach pains. I was diagnosed at the time with crones’ disease. The doctors have since gone back and forth with this diagnosis. To me now, it does not matter what they name it. I know it is from the fear, my stomach always being in a Knott. I have learned to adjust my life style so I have very few episodes now. It took many years to get this under control.

Also in the last 6 years I have been diagnosed with inflammatory arthritis and chronic pain syndrome. My brain is unable to shut off the pain signal. The emotion of fear made my brain think it was in pain. The fear was ongoing for so many years; it now has no shut off switch. The specialist informed me that I had probably always had the chronic pain syndrome, and looking back he was right. I just never said anything, why? I DID NOT MATTER, even to myself.

I also grew a tumour on my adrenal gland. How much fun was that? Not, major surgery and a rib were removed so the doctors could get to the tumour.

This I believe was a result of suppressed trauma. I know now why, but at the time of these illnesses first appearing it’s ugly self. I was so caught up in all the drama. It was like my identity,

“How are you feeling Melanie”?

Being on disability was a very hard blow for me. I always worked, since the age of 12. When I did not work, I slaved at home making everything “perfect” for the 3 girls.

Not being able to work and with the kid’s now young adults. I was forced to stop. For years I ran my life, full force ahead. Go, go, go, don’t think just DO.

This is why we need to talk about CHILDHOOD TRAUMA. Not to be ASHAMSED, to express all the fear, pain and worthlessness. Then healing can begin. We together can help others. Hopefully we can heal ourselves sooner, rather than later in life.

WE HAVE A VOICE NOW!!

stop looking away – we are responsible for our children